CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
