hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
