gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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