it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
