im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
