He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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