I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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