All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
