i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Still dying that you shit outside
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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