it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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