I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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