If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
