if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
