i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
