Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
