she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
