dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
