i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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