Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize