I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
