Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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