return my video game
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
