She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize