i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
