your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you had me at cake vodka
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
