well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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