The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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