the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
