And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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