You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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