Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
