Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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