hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
