So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
