I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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