her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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