Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
