Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
