I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
