some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
