Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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