Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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