OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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