i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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