It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
