dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize