I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
