yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
