How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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