I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm always down for nudity.
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