just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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