After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
