What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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