Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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