I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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