I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
