the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
