maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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