You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
