yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
