Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize