they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
