she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's paint friendship bongs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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