i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
