I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
