yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize