If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
