i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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