I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize