I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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