dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
