I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
