So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
