I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have feelings that need drinking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
