Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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