I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
