I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
