I'm going to jail i love you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize