I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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