Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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