I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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