I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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