Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
