I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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