we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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