Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
