I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
