Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
two words: eviction party
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
