I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize