woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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