Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dignity is for republicans.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize