i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
