the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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