because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
