hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
