Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
