he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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