i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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