I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pants are for mortals
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
