I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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