Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize