they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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