Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
