omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
