Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
