What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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