dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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