I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
