Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you inspire me to be a worse person
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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