i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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