This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
