making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
